Started off, people were getting sick, and then they were dying, from what seemed like the flu, but not actually the flu. COVID-19 is what they called it, right before they locked up the world to “save” lives. Regardless, no one said it was going to be 4 months later, and then summer vacation & WE ARE STILL ON LOCKDOWN. Just for us to go back into the world one day and what, get sick and die? IMAGINE THAT.  Literally feels like theres no normal, or going back to normal anymore. Is it dramatic for me to say that ? or is it real? because people are used to this life now, insta cart, skipthe dishes, no social gathers, i know for me not much has changed other then the freedom of being able to do what i WANT and NEED to do, and work. i miss working. BUT kids, they have to learn how to interact all over again, babies that are being born aren’t even going to KNOW most of their family because they were not able to see them in their first few months, some women, kids and EVEN MEN are out there right now being murderer, beat, starved. CAS isn’t doing what they need right now, police can’t do what they need to do right now, court houses aren’t open for people who need them for whatever reason. ANYTHING of real importance  that we took fro granted before, we can not do right now, and for some people, theres no coming back from this. AND mentally, im fucking struggling too, but like everyone, i am not used to this. 

i SALUTE the stay at home moms, because before all of this i wasn’t ive worked since my oldest was 6 months old, its me, and yes you can still be a loving INVOLVED parent while making an income. BUT even though i can still work from home per say, and make an income ,my point is, i liked getting out of the house, coming home and enjoying the evening. my son LOVED going to school, my youngest LOVED his daycare. Until one day it all changed, slowly everything was different and we all had / have to get used to our new days, our new routines. AT first it felt like a vacation, home with the kids for a few weeks, i can relax, HAHA what even is that word? It was not like that, clearly, 3 months later and i have transformed my house into an home office, classroom, daycare, HOME; all in one.

Lets start with the home office, so me. I am trying to build my career, while expanding my currently one. I am working on getting my license to sell cars because I LOVE working in the automotive field so it is just another thing under my belt in that line of work, working in a dealership would be the ultimate experience i think, or owning my own? OU who knows, BUT on top of that i picked up a part time gig selling LIFE INSURANCE, which i can do from home during STUPID COVID. still learning, and in training, but i think it is something i will enjoy doing on the side and it will definitely be nice making side money, AM I WRONG? cant really go wrong if you ask me. KEeps me busy, i need that. if i get bored, my mind wonders and NO ONE NEEDS THAT.

Second, my SMART almost SEVEN year old, so im teaching him grade 1. he amazes me everyday, really does. but this has made us closer, yet more distant at the same time, i feel like he hates me when it comes to school work, like i said, im NOT a teacher, so is he learning properly from me? is he listening to me ? its so hard to know.

Math he is amazing at, better then me already frankly, he can reason so well, he can spell & write, hes starting to write to a pen pal, he ASKS to play math games now. he shows me everyday how special he is, cuddles me, tells me how pretty i am. Forever making my day.

it has NOT been easy, there has been tears, screaming, arguments, laughter, smiles, learning curves and milestones while homeschooling, but he hasn’t given up on me & i will NEVER stop trying for my son, both of them. Heres to hoping he goes back to school, no issues… YEAH RIGHT. but heres to hoping.

Now, my little daycare baby, TODDLER as of tomorrow, damn. I do not have a baby anymore, my last baby is not a BABY. He destroys my house, baby gate do not work because he just rips them down, he runs back a forth, snacks for DAYS all day, free ran chicken he is really, hes talking more and more each day, potty training, well we will come back to that one, he LOVES his brother, and dogs & loves or hates the cats, i DUNNNNNO yet. He is hilarious, caring and already SO SMART too, kills me . HE KNOWS he handsome he is, his eyes are literally like the ocean. He is loud and cheeky, so outgoing its crazy. I have actually loved being around for all of this, makes me sad thinking about all i missed with Carter because i was a working mom, no regrets, BUT i did miss little moments im soaking up with Ryker lately. while making new memories with BOTH my boys, im stressed, but you best know im BLESSED.

2020 has not been easy, or lets say, was not something i was prepared for. because everything ive learned, come to know, the memories i have made in such a short time, and literally inside my house with just my kids, i would not change it for the world. my mental health, needed the peace and quiet, the break from outside life. I have learned so much about myself as a women, a mother, a friend, even a wife if i ever am one day. I have learned things about my kids, reconnected with old friends, made new ones. My life can only go up from here, and it will.

Heres to moving forward, even in the darkest of times.




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