SO it has been awhile, about 5 years exactly. Since, well I wrote anything. Someone came across my blog and it took it as a bad sign, as in i need to keep running from my past, but this blog was always like Switzerland, you know? No judgment I guess I could also say.
When i stopped writing in it I guess you could say that is when my life took a turn, the wrong one FOR SURE there for awhile. I am not proud of the person I was for a long time, the people I lost due to my own selfish actions, my own mistakes in the long run. But then I came back to life; after ALMOST completely losing it, everything. I started over. Or so I tried. Relapsed it a good word, and I took another turn, trying to find myself, as a mother, a women. And we are talking back in, lets say late 2016 by now, things were not easy for a long time. Even after that. i lived my life, worked, raised at the time my one son. Life wasn’t really anything to complain about, other then the normal single young mom stress blah blah, I was GOOD. skip a few months, I met someone who blessed me with another child. And I mean blessed because, this child is so much fun, while making me yank my hair out. He is perfection. My oldest & him are literally night and day, from the time they were both born up and until well, present day, they are completely different and I love it, it keeps my life so interesting. My days are filled with laughter, some arguments, ALOT of snacks & well, just pure joy, having another baby, I feel like, completed me in a way; he saved my life, that is for damn sure.
Recently, ish. I became a single mother of TWO gorgeous boys, and well as much as i power through, every day has been a struggle, harder then the last some days. Postpartum is a bitch, but so is heartbreak. Putting them together, well its fucking hard is what it is. I am trying to just kinda of short form the last 5 years of my life so I can start writing about specific things. SO long story short.
I am doing my best trying to rebuild myself, as a mother of two, build & start my career and simply just live. Calmly, peacefully. I am trying to get back into writing, painting. Hoping on nicer weather so my boys and I can start to enjoy our walks again. I just want to be happy with me. End of the day I am human too, and frankly, i am really tired of being such an angry one.