Finding; ME.

It’s not easy being honest, not all truths are easy. Especially when it comes to loved ones. People change, grow apart, grow together. Stories don’t always go your way I guess. But your story, should go your way, you’d think right ? So when you realize your story isn’t going in the way you want; you need to make choices; some harder then others; but it’ll be worth it. People may see it as grow; people might think your selfish. WHO CARES, those people aren’t YOU. And YOU run YOUR LIFE. plain and simple.

So finding me, okay. Some of my truths were extra hard; I had people to apologize too; things to let go of; kids to take care of, a household to maintain. Etc obviously BUT you get the point. It’s pretty hard to find myself in the middle of my crazy life that doesn’t stop just because I’m having a mental breakdown about my life. I have had to learn how to be a single mom of two, a stay at home home of you, back to a working mom, I EVEN HOME SCHOOLED, so I was a fucking teacher too. My smart son helped but STILL. Life isn’t easy for me on a regular basis & then to add FEELINGS towards someone else into that; fuck. Seems easy but it’s not; at all.

I have learned a lot about self love; which has helped. I have seen how important I am to people, I have let people go without them even knowing; I have stopped doing certain things for people; I have stopped putting other people before me essentially. If your not my child, my animals or my parents at this point; don’t ask me for shit. I give my 110% to my friends, people I love; just to get 30% back and I’m done feeling bad about turning my life around.

I will NOT feel selfish, or let my anxiety control the fact that I have realized I deserve to be happy too; I have realized the people I will lose on this journey weren’t meant to be here in the first place. I have realized I’m worth it. I’m worth the time and energy I give other people. My kids deserve to see me HAPPY. So I’m fucking doing it. Leave me alone if your going to be negative.

-S

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